This is about Christian men. But the ladies should read it, too.
I grew up in a Christian home. My dad has always been my biggest supporter, best friend, spiritual leader, and qualified authority figure. He has poured his life into me. He entered my world. We have experienced intimate fellowship with each other. It wasn’t always perfect, but was just what I have needed to keep me on track. I wasn’t always perfect, either. But God used my dad to instill in me the characteristics of a godly man. He didn’t just tell me how to live godly, he showed me how.
God has blessed me beyond measure through my parents. My mom and dad made home life warm, welcoming, loving, caring, and uplifting. Dad tells me, even today, that he’s my biggest fan, and by his actions, I believe it. When I did well, I was praised. When I screwed up, I was gently and firmly disciplined. I couldn’t lie to my parents. The times I did only lasted for a while, and were followed by confession. I believe one reason I had a hard time lying is because my parents built a solid, healthy relationship with me. I hated to hurt them. I knew I could always talk to them about anything. I knew I could always talk to my dad about the things with which guys struggle. I still do today.
Dad taught me many things over the years: perseverance, integrity, compassion, humility. He taught me how to love God, how to love others, how to love my wife, and how to love my children. But one thing that has always stuck deepest within my heart is the one thing that supports those characteristics. Dad taught me the importance of accountability. As long as I can remember, he has asked me questions. He has always wanted to know my thoughts, my dreams, and my ambitions. I don’t remember a time when his only question was, “How are you doing?” He has always wanted to know why. Dad knew me because it was his passion to do so. And my mom has always been as eager to know me as dad has been. She has been the rock in my life—unwavering and unshakeable. My dad continues on his quest to know me more even to this day, and the result is intimacy with my heavenly Father. In fact, I am experiencing intimate fellowship with my heavenly Father today, because I have experienced intimate fellowship with my earthly father throughout my life. Dad showed me what biblical fellowship is—what it looks like, what it feels like. Now, as an adult, I am able to sharpen him as he sharpens me. He taught me how to do so.
Growing up with this kind of dad, with these kinds of fellowship experiences, has created a passion within me to be authentic with other Christian men. Second to the family, there is no better place where this genuine fellowship must be experienced than within the Church. Yet, my experience with men’s ministries in the local church has been far from what I’m convinced God desires it to be. I know many Christian men who were leaders, several of them pastors, in local churches—strong, Bible-believing, solid doctrinal-teaching churches—who have fallen far enough into the sins that tempt all Christian men so that they have lost their positions as leaders and pastors. Something isn’t working. Something needs to be fixed.
As I am writing this, I am sitting in a restaurant waiting for a good friend to go on his break so we can visit. He was once a leader in a church. He had a marvelous ministry. He has a beautiful wife and three wonderful children. Now, he works the drive-through window of this restaurant. He chose to work here when he chose to fall into temptation. As Steve Farrar put it in his book Finishing Strong, my friend’s sin took him farther than he wanted to go, kept him longer than he wanted to stay, and cost him more than he wanted to pay. My heart very deeply feels two things: I am incredibly broken over his crisis, and am truly frightened because it could very well be me. I love my friend very much and am so moved to walk by his side through the tough times he has ahead. The sadder thing is that he is just one who got caught. He has repented and is growing more in his relationship with Jesus and with his wife and children. However, there are many Christian men who have not been caught…yet. They are sinking deeper and deeper in the misery that their sin brings. They long for freedom, and they know from where it comes. Yet, to remove their cover and let someone see them as they really are would cost them more than they were prepared to pay when they first entered this journey toward destruction. They are torn with a decision: tell all and suffer, or continue in sin and suffer. They know that to tell would lead ultimately to freedom, and to continue in sin would lead ultimately to more destruction. But at least the sin is somewhat fun. Many men who have fallen have told me that they wanted to get caught. They just couldn’t hold up anymore underneath the heavy load of sin and deception. Our Christian men—dads, husbands, elders, deacons, Sunday school teachers, pastors, worship leaders, youth pastors, ushers, old men, young men—are bombarded with the temptation to dive into the sin that seems to pursue us all. And many Christian men have endured the train wrecks that their sin always, always brings. Our men need help. We need to enter each other’s worlds!
So the Church of Jesus Christ has the opportunity, but men’s ministries usually consist of coffee, donuts, a special speaker giving a devotion, sharing prayer requests regarding other people’s problems, and a few leading in prayer. While relationships are being built, something is lacking. Why are we surprised when another man falls? There seems to be a lack of genuine fellowship and authentic accountability. I’m convinced that relationship with fellowship tends to lead to true accountability. We may know each other, but let’s be honest. We really don’t know each other, do we? Think about a man in your church. You might know his name. You might know his wife’s name—perhaps even the number of children he has. What about his personality and characteristics? What are his pet peeves? What does he struggle with the most? Does he feel alone in his struggles? Is he pursuing the “other woman”? Is he indulging in pornography? Or is he neglecting his family because of the pursuit of money or position? Is he experiencing intimacy with the Father? Is someone there to help him when he fails? Is there someone to praise him when he excels? Are there other men actively showing him how to live godly? Are the men in your church actively entering each others’ worlds? Are the Christian men in your church truly sharpening each other with the word of God, or is it just another social club that meets once, or twice a month? Guys don’t talk about these things, but it’s high time we begin.
I believe we should and could have churches where we, men, are trained and encouraged to be the spiritual leaders in our homes, in our churches, and in our work places. We should and could have churches where the men’s ministries are focused on authentic relationships, real fellowship, and true accountability. This doesn’t come easily for us. What does this look like? How do we establish this kind of ministry?
iMetochoi Ministries exists to be a league of men dedicated to honor the Father with our lives. We are The League of Metochoi who recognize our imperfections, realize God’s grace, and receive God’s power to together become the spiritual leaders of our homes, our churches, and our work places. We challenge men to get on the frontlines of the battle for our families, for our churches, for our Savior. Together, we will sharpen, encourage, exhort, confront, and challenge each other to know God more and experience His power in our lives. We desire to challenge Christian men to become partakers of Christ together—to become His metochoi.
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